


Always and Forever

by Alonelytacoshell



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bottom Sam, But also so much love, Comforting Castiel, Emotionally Hurt Sam, Established Relationship, Hurt Sam Winchester, Loving Castiel, M/M, Praise, Sam-Centric, Sastiel - Freeform, Smut, So much angst, Top Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-11 11:33:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11147562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alonelytacoshell/pseuds/Alonelytacoshell
Summary: Sam doesn't think he deserves Cas's love. Cas thinks he deserves the world.





	Always and Forever

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Back at it again with the angst. I think it went a little overboard here, so forgive me for that. Hope you enjoy it!

The boy with the demon blood. One sentence, six words. For the simplicity of the phrase, it shouldn’t hurt as much as it did. 

 

Sam Winchester, the boy with the demon blood. 

 

As soon as the words had left the angel’s lips, Sam felt himself deflate with shame and disappointment. Castiel was not what he expected an angel to be. If he was honest, Sam didn’t really know what he expected. He just didn’t expect Castiel to be, well, a  _ dick.  _ Dean had been right. 

 

Or so he had thought. 

 

Over the course of time, Sam’s opinion of angels in general didn’t change. His opinion of Castiel, however, couldn’t have changed more. What had started as contempt turned into affection. Shame into pride. 

 

But, there were always bad days.  _ Always.  _ Days when Sam didn’t always feel like the hero people thought he was. He would go back to the mindset of  _ he was the boy with the demon blood.  _ Unclean. Dirty. Sinful. Sam had struggled with being different, feeling like he was a monster. After all, he had left that impression on an  _ angel.  _  Cas had been right, and it wasn’t Cas’s fault that he was.

 

And not for nothing, but it made Sam feel ashamed. 

 

It wasn’t something he ever had control over, and that only made it worse. He didn’t ask for the demon blood that ran through his veins. 

 

So, Sam Winchester was having a bad day. 

 

He was currently on the couch in the bunker, alone. Dean was out doing whatever is was he did when he left for several hours at a time. Sam was grateful that he had left; because, Dean would notice he was in a mood the second he saw Sam. And Sam didn’t need Dean on his back, telling him to forget the past. Like he always told him. It worked for a while, but the dark thoughts would always come back at some point. 

 

Usually, when Sam was feeling down (to put it lightly) Castiel was there to comfort him. Sam knew the angel felt guilty about their first meeting. But this time, Sam didn’t want the angel to comfort him. He didn’t deserve it. Sometimes Sam felt like he had ruined Cas, tainted him with the evil that ran through his veins. Whenever Sam brought it up, Cas would shush him, saying that he loved Sam no matter what. Sam didn’t think he deserved the love of a  _ freaking  _ angel. An angel! Castiel was an angel, and he loved the boy with the demon blood. Sam couldn’t understand how Cas could accept that, and still love him as much as he did. 

 

“Sam,” a deep voice said quietly behind him.

 

Sam turned around abruptly, feeling like he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t. Especially since he knew who the voice belonged to. Sam opted for silence, which he knew Cas would not tolerate. 

 

“I can hear the loathing in your mind, Sam. And the longing for you have for me, even if you do not realize it.” 

 

Before he knows it, Cas is next to him, pulling Sam into a warm embrace. Sam welcomes the feeling, closing his eyes and letting out a shaky breath. 

 

“Cas...I...“ Sam starts, but Cas hushes him.

 

“You do not have to say anything, Sam,” he murmurs, running his fingers through Sam’s hair. 

 

Even though Sam is bigger than Castiel, the angel still manages to cradle Sam’s body in his lap. Sam has his cheek pressed against Cas’s chest, the soft, repetitive sound of his heart soothing him. Sam can feel tears springing to his eyes, just thinking about how much the angel loved him. 

 

“I don’t deserve you, Cas,” he rasped into Cas’s shirt. 

 

It felt like he was suffocating, and he hated how much he allowed himself to reveal his emotions to Castiel. He wasn’t like Dean, keeping his emotions bottled up, but he didn’t like the power he gave Cas. When he was like this, with Cas wrapped around him, he felt vulnerable. He wanted to hide himself from Cas, but he knew Cas would never let him. 

 

Suddenly, Cas pulled Sam up, both hands resting on Sam’s damp cheeks. 

 

“Listen to me right now, Sam Winchester. You deserve everything in the world. Do not ever forget that. I will not shy away from reminding you if that is what it takes,” Cas told him sternly, his voice almost a growl, “What do I have to do that will make you understand that?”

 

Sam felt a surge of affection for the angel. His unconditional and understanding love for Sam never ceased to amaze him. It made the pain in his mind fade away a bit.

 

“Make me forget.”

 

As soon as the words left Sam’s mouth, he felt the warmest lips on his. Cas was kissing him, slow and soft. His hands were still in Sam’s hair, moving soothingly on his scalp. The kiss was incredibly loving, and it made Sam melt underneath Cas’s fingertips. There was something about the way the angel kissed him that made Sam feel like he was  _ wanted _ . Loved, cherished and so intensely  _ safe. _

 

Castiel pulled away, resting his forehead on Sam’s, his breath fanning over Sam’s face. 

 

“I love you, Sam,” Cas murmurs, his voice soft and raw. 

 

His lips hovered over Sam’s, who had closed his eyes. 

 

“I love you too, Cas. So much,” Sam choked out, dipping his head to meet Cas’s lips again. 

 

Slowly, Sam pulled Cas closer, as close as he could physically get them. Cas was was just so  _ warm _ , and Sam wanted to feel every bit of the warmth the angel could give him. He wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck, pulling away from the kiss to bury his face in the crook of Cas’s neck. Sam inhaled deeply, the scent of sandalwood and vanilla filling his nostrils. Cas was petting his hair, chin resting on Sam’s head. 

 

Silence hung in the air, wrapping around them like an embrace, quite like the one they were in. Something unspoken passed between them, and the next few moments were quick and deliberate. They pulled apart, articles of clothing disappearing from their bodies and being thrown on the ground. Once they were both void of all clothing, Cas was on top of Sam, with Sam pulling the angel closer to him. Cas pulled gently at Sam’s hair, strong and sure hands traveling down his body slowly. It drove Sam crazy with need, but he wanted this to last. This warm, loving feeling that surrounded him, tugged at his heart and wrapped around his soul. Sam felt like he was drowning in it, the love he felt for Cas, and the love Cas was giving him. It overwhelmed him, but he welcomed it, craved it. 

 

Cas was whispering to him, in a voice so reassuring and deep that Sam could feel it in his bones. A rumbling voice that allowed him to pretend he was okay, if only for a couple of moments. He could lose himself forever in the voice that proclaimed in ancient tongues unkown to man the power and radiant light of which was his soul. The tone that tore through his entire being, and left it singing, crying out to the heavens above him that his heart and mind were things to be coveted, to be worshiped, that he deserved the world and all its rapturing mysteries. It pleaded for all to know that he was a priceless and rare treasure, a sparkling diamond among a vast expanse of riches, to be watched over and taken care of rather than to be left to tarnish and grow dull in the light it deserved. 

 

God, Sam loved this voice. 

 

And then Cas was pushing into him, slow and steady thrusts that feel like they could break Sam apart. He rushes to meet Cas’s hips, panting softly as they move as one. Cas is grounding him, with every brush of his fingers, movement of his hips, and every word that leaves his mouth and touches Sam’s soul. No matter how many times they had did it, Sam would never get used to sex with Castiel. It was always just so  _ intense.  _ With Jess, sex had been soft and sweet, sometimes playful. Ruby had destroyed him, while sex with Amelia had been like walking on eggshells. But Cas, Cas put him back together when no one else could. He was the best lover Sam could ask for, giving and taking with equal balance. Sam had always locked his heart away, knowing that loving someone only put them in danger. Cas was different. Cas was the exception. 

 

Sam’s heart may have been locked away, but Castiel would always have a key. 

 

Heat started to build between Sam’s hips, and he tipped his head back, his angel’s name falling from his lips. Hazy blue eyes meet his, and Cas hits the spot inside of Sam that makes him see stars. 

 

And then they’re both coming, in unison. Sam clutches at Cas’s back, chanting his name. When the pleasure faded, Cas pulled away, sweat making his body glisten. Sam thinks he looks beautiful, the picture of human perfection. 

 

Sam wraps himself around the angel, enjoying the feeling of his bare skin on Cas’s. Sleepy affection warms him, and a smile graces his features. Cas is looking at him adoringly, stroking his cheek with the pad of his thumb. 

 

“Thank you, Cas,” he says, his expressions soft, and he looks away for a moment, “For loving me.”

 

Cas’s pair of blue pools crinkle at the edges, and he kisses Sam lightly. 

 

“Always and forever, Sam.”


End file.
